I feel like such a hypocrite when I give people reassuring words :c
I’m trying so hard to be okey but for some reason these feelings are coming back and they won’t go away…Why does this keep happening? Why do I always feel so worthless and like I have no meaning? Why do I want to die so badly?
I’ve tried everything; talking to people, medicine, therapy, even in patient stays. I just want to make it all stop so desperately. I just want to make these feelings go away :c
So let’s take it from the top O.o
Fair warning to anyone who decides to read this novelette, it CAN be triggering, grossly self centered at times, slightly disturbing at others, but in no ways exaggerated. It does focus mainly on the negative aspects solely because those are the ones I need to cleanse myself of. If you wish to know about the positive POV, it will be coming soon to a dashboard near you.
Speak to Me
Speak to me
Vocalize your emotions
They say the eyes are windows to the soul
But words are doors to the mind
So give me the key
Let me unlock your spirit
Because I will sit and let the passion flow
From your soul to mine
The wisps of beauty your mind whispers
Swirls with the gusts of smokey memories
And still I sit and let the tsunami of your mind
Engulf me in your presence
Personify your thoughts for me
Let each vision dance across the floor
Let each burst of desire and wave of sympathy
Be an entity unto itself
Speak to me darling
Let me wander inside
Allow you to become I
To become we
All you have to do
Is tell me to enter
Do you ever sit and question the one or two quality skills you possess
And wonder if they’re really “quality”? Sometimes I sit back and look at my writing and think, “Wow, at one point I thought this shit was well written.” Or, “Wow, last week this seemed really good, now shit just seems weak.” Then requestion your calling in life, then criticize yourself for questioning yourself, then criticize yourself for thinking you had a calling? I think I’m having a quarter life crisis O.o
I feel so fabu today c:
I bought my way to Vegas for my 21st birthday for like $100 round trip for 2 :D
I got a special invite and discount for being a valued customer at Coach :D
ANDDD my account was reinstated at Express :D:D:D
Today was a good day <3
Looking back on my rants from the other day, I sounded like a 12 year old, but it felt good to bitch a bit. Done being a female for now, no worries folks c:
Bitchings of a female being a female, it feels foreign and I don’t like it
Is it wrong of me to be mad at my boyfriend for being mad at me for buying a pack of cigarettes?
Granted I know they’re bad, spare me the lectures. Though in my defense, I’m a grown ass woman, going to be 21 in less than 2 months. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone, let alone my own boyfriend. I’ve been good with my electronic cigarette, and I ran out of filters. I figured smoking was better than punching customers in the face at work. So I sent someone over to buy me a pack, and I’m not going to waste the whole thing for 3 to smoke just at work, not to mention I hate bumming off of coworkers. I feel like a mooch. Again, if I wanted to I could smoke 4 packs a day and it would be no one’s business but my own. I don’t say a damn word if he wants to buy a cigar once and a while, or spend hours upon hours on video games, or drop all of his classes, or whatever the hell other decisions, good or bad, he decides to make with his life. I either support him, or put in my 2 cents and leave it be after that. I don’t force him to do what I feel is best, because I know how it feels to be forced to make a decision you aren’t completely sure about, or just flat out unhappy with. I’ve never threatened to leave him for his doing something I didn’t approve of. I don’t ostracize him for his decisions, and I don’t feel like he should me either. It’s not like I’m a pack a day smoker, barley a pack a week when I was smoking. Am I wrong for feeling angry? Argh, I am just so irritated by this.
